DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE: A NEUROSCIENCE-BASED COACHING METHOD FOR NAVIGATING NONSENSE is a curated and shared experience for coaches to develop NOT KNOWING as a vital skill for cultivating co-created coaching magic — through the lens of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. Sounds mad, doesn’t it? That’s the point.
“HAVE I GONE MAD. I’M AFRAID SO. YOU’RE ENTIRELY BONKERS, BUT I WILL TELL YOU A SECRET. ALL THE BEST PEOPLE ARE.”
“But I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked.
Oh, you can’t help that, ” said the Cat: “we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.”
“How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice.
“You must be,” said the Cat, “or you wouldn’t have come here.”
It’s no wonder you became a coach. Your curiosity is a driving force — and the Wonderland, that is coaching, is irresistible to curious cats like us. Like me, you’re in it for the MAGIC — that dancing in the moment of safety, connection, and alignment with your client — where the rational mind is switched off and you are being. That magic is co-created, but your role as a coach is to set the stage to invite and allow the possibility of magic. You do that by bringing your own safety, connection, and alignment to this party — to turn off the sense-making machine of the mind — as a key condition for co-creating magic. And that requires a whole lot of self-trust. You couldn’t follow The White Rabbit into a rabbit hole without it.
Safety Is Not Knowing.
Connection Is Compassionate & Curious Detachment.
Alignment is Full Presence in Shared Experience.
You can’t bring what you don’t have though — and most coaches don’t have safety, connection, and alignment. The coaching industry points coaches in the wrong direction when it comes to the business of coaching, which has a lot of coaches bleeding out financially, struggling to make it work, and thinking they have to KNOW. There’s nothing safe, connected, or aligned about that. And it’s the felt lack of safety, connection, and alignment that invites your Judge to this tea party. (Lack always does.) And your future-focused Judge — disguised as expectation, assumption, and projection — casually asks:
“WHY ISN’T YOUR CLIENT MAKING PROGRESS?”
Why aren’t they, you wonder?
You think progress is the job.
And your attachment to that outcome has you chasing a-ha breakthrough moments for … what?
Oh, right — to be right!
Because that will prove — you’re a good coach — because — you don’t think you are right now?
Didn’t anyone ever tell you that anything you chase will instinctively run away?
The client hasn’t gotten on the progress path.
Or rather, they haven’t gotten on the path you’ve labeled progress. (Name it, to shame it, to blame it.)
Judgment always thinks it knows better. (The white roses should be red. Off with their heads!)
And the feeling of that judgment?
Disappointment. Frustration. Fear.
You’re on the Judge’s playing field now — for them to ask:
“ISN’T THAT WHY THEY HIRED YOU? ISN’T THAT WHAT YOU’RE THERE TO DO — TO GET THEM FROM HERE TO THERE?”
You didn’t.
Oh, dear.
Now, the Judge has something to say to you about you — a passive-aggressive statement disguised as a question:
“HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY BE A GOOD COACH?”
AND DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE YOU GO.
Disappointment. Frustration. Fear.
SELF-DOUBT.
More judgment. More thinking. More doing.
NO CURIOSITY.
Less safety. Less feeling. Less being.
NO MAGIC.
YOU ARE UNSAFE, DISCONNECTED, AND UNALIGNED.
Of course, judgment creeps in! We’re human beings! And getting out of that particular rabbit hole requires you to NOT KNOW. NOT KNOWING is the conscious withholding of judgment with compassionate and curious detachment and full presence. And as one of the most powerful and instinctual threat triggers we have, NOT KNOWING is really, really hard.
The sense-making machine of the MIND is the primary culprit that’s been creating those threats, ringing those alarm bells, convincing your brain to pump stress hormones into your body, shutting down access to the possibility playground of your executive function, and taking you down rabbit holes — to keep you safe, which literally makes you less safe. And you can’t simply change your mind with new intention — because the mind has something you don’t — SURVIVAL INSTINCT. Survival is the biologic imperative of every human being and nothing can be as important as that in the right here, right now. Your mind uses your neurobiology to play that survival tune in your body to make it real. Did you know that’s the song you’ve been dancing to in your coaching? If you didn’t, you’ve been bringing a balloon to a knife fight. And without knowing the basic neuroscience principles that drive survival instinct, you’ve only been coaching the 10% of the iceberg you can see. And that limitation limits you — in all ways.
The trust space of co-created magic relies on the conditions of safety, connection, and alignment.
Your neurobiology relies on the measures of safety, connection, and alignment as the signals that inform regulation for well-being.
IT’S NOT A COINCIDENCE.
The Brainwise Coaching Method is a NOT KNOWING model for coaching that mirrors the natural learning process of the brain to use safety, connection, and alignment as tools for the intentional regulation of neurobiology. Down The Rabbit Hole is how you experience and learn the model to hack the system and self-regulate your own neurobiology for self-trust and well-being. Learning how to create those conditions for yourself is how you be it for your clients. Learning how to use them as measures to regulate neurobiology is how you model it.
THAT’S WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW.
THAT’S HOW YOU COACH THE 90% OF THE ICEBERG YOU CAN’T SEE TO SUPPORT SELF-TRUST AND WELL-BEING FOR YOU, YOUR CLIENTS, AND YOUR REVENUE-GENERATING COACHING BUSINESS.
`Hold your tongue!’ said the Queen, turning purple.
`I won’t!’ said Alice.
`Off with her head!’ the Queen shouted at the top of her voice. Nobody moved.
`Who cares for you?’ said Alice, (she had grown to her full size by this time.) `You’re nothing but a pack of cards!’
The 14-week DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE: A NEUROSCIENCE-BASED METHOD FOR NAVIGATING NONSENSE program dives into the heart and science of THE BRAINWISE COACHING METHOD. It is delivered in 7 modules and designed to give you both the knowledge and the experience to cultivate co-created, coaching magic, regulate your neurobiology, and develop self-trust and well-being
KNOWLEDGE:
EXPERIENCE:
`Have you guessed the riddle yet?′ the Hatter said, turning to Alice again. `No, I give it up,′ Alice replied: `what’s the answer?′ `I haven’t the slightest idea,′ said the Hatter.
“Who are YOU?” said the Caterpillar.
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation.
Alice replied, rather shyly, “I–I hardly know, sir, just at present–
at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning,
but I think I must have been changed several times since then.”
I never planned to work with coaches. I was asked to because I’m an outlier as a 1:1 coach who relies on my business as a sole source of income, has never made less than 6 figures, and chooses not to do corporate work. Since 2018, I’ve been working with coaches through certification and in building revenue-generating brands and businesses. More importantly, I’m a CPCC, PCC, consultant, mediator, business owner, mom, & MS warrior. There are no safety nets with MS. And navigating it every day has forced me to redefine my relationship with uncertainty. Working with my brain has kept me in remission. It makes this work highly personal for me and what I’m doing works! How do I know? In February of 2021, I launched a group coaching program focused on neuroplasticity for leadership. In November that year, after comparing my MRIs, my neurologist said “You have the brain of a 20-year old. You clearly have MS lesions on your brain. I can see them. And yet, somehow, your brain has learned to compensate around them.” Bingo! The power of neuroplasticity! I can’t know or control future outcomes, but I don’t have to. I trust that the choices I make today create the future I want tomorrow.